


Tapping On The Glass

by IAmHoussem17



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Awkward Crush, Based on a Dear Evan Hansen Song, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Crushes, Depression, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman Friendship, Evan Hansen Centric, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Evan Hansen Has Anxiety, Evan Hansen Has Issues, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Male Friendship, Mentioned Heidi Hansen, Minor Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy, Misunderstandings, POV Evan Hansen, References to Depression, Secret Crush, Social Anxiety, Songfic, Stuttering, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Crush, Trees, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmHoussem17/pseuds/IAmHoussem17
Summary: Evan contemplates everything about himself and everyone around him.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Evan Hansen, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Evan Hansen's Father, Evan Hansen & Everyone, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Jared Klienman, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy
Kudos: 11





	1. I've Learned To Slam On The Brake

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! I was thinking, I wrote about my favorite song and character from Hamilton so why not do it with DEH! (dont answer that)  
> Let's get in.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's day is already going very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter. I actually made a mistake and had this work marked as having one chapter. My bad.

Evan Hansen could still hear Connor Murphy's footsteps behind him.  
And where was he?

On the school floor.  
And it was no coincidence that Connor was nearby.

Oh no.

Evan's social anxiety made it seem like he was making fun of the Murphy kid, so naturally, Connor retaliated on the spot, being the short tempered, drug addicted bully that he is.

Evan got up as soon as he made sure the other boy was gone.

It's interactions like these that taught Evan to just stop. Don't try it, it's always bound to go very, very wrong.

It's not worth it.

That wasn't his only failed social interaction today either.

Earlier, he ran into this girl, Alana Beck. She asked about his summer but he never got to give his answer and instead, he listened to hers.

Evan tried asking to get a signature on his cast. Something that his mother Heidi thought would make him some friends or to quote her, "the perfect icebreaker".

But Alana blabbed on something about her grandmother, and just left, with a corny smile.  
Evan would say there's something wrong with her, if he could.

Right after that fiasco, the boy was greeted with an inappropriate, sarcastic joke, and there was only one person he knew who could deliver those.

Jared Kleinman.

After the ever so convincing Evan explained how he actually broke his arm (yes, that is what Jared joked about, he has a problem) and he was glad he was actually given space to tell the story, he asked about Jared's summer.

Yes, this was the one person he felt comfortable enough with. It was better than nothing.

Kleinman answered, a few things not so noteworthy, but they made sense if Jared was the one saying them.

The latter turned to leave, but Evan stopped him and retried with the cast signing thing.

Jared was incredulous. Evan thought it would go better because they're friends.

But his "friend" proceeded to enlighten him with a cheerful reminder.  
They're family friends.  
And that's a whole different thing, apparently?

Maybe Jared's car insurance had something to do with it.

Either way, Evan didn't question it, because he wasn't good at conversating in any way, shape or form.

This is where things started going downhill.  
Or maybe they were going downhill already but now they fastened their pace.

Jared made another one of his lame jokes, not at Evan.

But at Connor.

Evan looked up and saw the longhaired boy standing a few steps away.  
He was closer to Jared and farther from Evan.  
That's most likely a good thing.

Connor stood still, stone faced. It was unnerving.

Jared tried to clarify it was a joke. Evan could tell he was getting nervous, that kind of nervous when you realize you picked the wrong target.  
But the bespectacled boy still played it cool.

Connor still hasn't moved, though he replied in a deadpan manner, ironically stating that the joke was funny.  
Then immediately followed up with a threatening remark.

Jared called him a freak nonchalantly. Ouch.  
And quickly walked away.

This is where Evan messed up.

He didn't know what was it that came out of his mouth, though Connor was quick to jump to conclusions.

Evan can only see the boy's mad face as he marched up and shoved him. Hard.

Why was it him? Why couldn't he clarify? Speak eloquently? Not stuttering?

He was the outcast, the loner.  
Like society shunned him down and locked him out.

It was like being outside a building, watching through a window.  
Everyone's getting on with their lives and paying no attention to him.

It was always him making the mistake, by being...well, Evan Hansen.

But if he doesn't draw attention to him, if he doesn't act suspiciously, he can get past these judgmental eyes of his peers.

If he doesn't try, he won't make the mistake.

He's not interesting anyways. Tree boy? Yeah, that's nobody important.

Let's say that the dark is where Evan is, unnoticed, blending with the background.  
When he gets to the light where everyone else is, he crashes and burn.  
So he stays out.

And wait, just wait.  
The answer will come to him, right?  
That's how he reassures himself anyways.

Suddenly, other footsteps were heard coming towards him.

Oh crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that should do it. Sorry about my stupidity. Later.


	2. We Start With Stars In Our Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Evan wished for a conversation with Zoe Murphy, this is not what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, welcome back. I'm sorry it took me a while to update this, I had to get into a DEH mood if you know what I mean. Hamilton was just taking over my mind.  
> Anyways, enjoy Evan's and Zoe's butchered chitchat.

Evan had many dreams. Most of which were about Zoe Murphy.

Yes, she is the sister of Connor Murphy, the boy who shoved him because of a lapse in judgment just now.

Now that he thought about it, maybe that's why she walked up to him.

And it wasn't a dream.

She spoke very apologetically on behalf of her brother's physical attack. All Evan could do was avoid her gaze, and look down in embarrassment.

She surprised him further when she said his name. She knew of him?

Evan couldn't believe it, he was shook to the point where he parroted her.

Zoe turned deadpan and matter-of-factly. 

He said sorry. She asked why.

He rambled and said it again. She pointed his apologizing a lot problem, even though he's done nothing that merits apologizing.

Zoe introduced herself and pulled out a hand to shake his.

Evan remembered: they're sweaty.

He just wiped them off on his shirt.

She wondered how Evan knew her. Of course, he can only tell her so much: he saw her jazz band concert and loved it. It was the truth, but he probably knew of her beyond that.

And he went on another tangent. He mentally slapped himself.

Zoe got a bit uncomfortable, she bid him an awkward goodbye and turned to leave.

Evan quickly sputtered out something, catching her attention.

He chickened out, and denied ever saying anything.

The conversation ended with an odd rhyming goodbye.

This kid is weird. Zoe had to leave now.

And she did.

Evan watched her go. He was distraught.

Where did all the hope go?

Things weren't as bad a few years ago. He was still hopeful back then.

He thought he could find a place for himself.

He wished he had someone to tell him what's wrong.

If only his father was still here.

Why did he leave?

Evan Hansen had another important question to answer.

Where does he belong?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is finale. I'll try my best to get it done sooner this time.  
> Till then, stay safe.


	3. When You're Falling In a Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is anybody waving back at Evan Hansen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this one is finished. Enjoy.

Evan looked down at his cast. Still as pale as a sheet.

Falling out of a tree. This is what it left him with.

A painful reminder that he had no one to care about him.

He knew for a fact, that no one knew nor cared, about his little incident last summer.

Incident….

He could picture himself surrounded by people, their backs turned to him.

And if they weren't turned, they would look past him, or look at him without a speck of acknowledgement.

He could see Zoe rushing past him.

Nobody was waving back at him.

Nobody on the other side of the glass saw him.

_ Can anybody see? _

_ Is anybody waving back at me? _

_ IS ANYBODY WAVING?? _

_ WAVING??? _

He let out several panicked breathes. He will not break down. Not now, not here.

He still had that letter to finish.

Computer lab, here we go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, see you next time!


End file.
